SoCS gets a degree

Yes, my dear ones, no post for a week and then two in a day. I go for extremes and love that being a Scorpio.  Hope you don’t mind :-). Well, I just could not resist the pull of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. And today, well, of course, yesterday, Linda offered us degree/degrees. I have a degree. Besides the one in “choosing the wrong life-choices and get into trouble for that,” I have a degree in Social Work. “Go and study,” said my father. “A good education is crucial to get a good wage!” Wise man he is besides all his bad points. Only thing is: life does not always do as wise man tell you: Today I work in a supermarket on minimum wage and my mental health suggests to now work more than 30 hours per week. We get by. But that’s it. What I really wanted to study was English and Literature. “That” so the wise men of the early nineties said, “won’t get you anywhere but poor, ill and disabled people will always be there, so you will always have a job.” That was distinctly before Europe decided it is time to tighten its many belts and let capitalism rule. In the end, life has proven to me that you have to follow your dreams and your instincts. What I am doing in my spare time is reading and writing mainly in English. So even though I do not have a degree in English, life has given me what I needed to know. And yes, I could still get one. Have been thinking about it lots of times. But to be honest, I am quite happy where I am right now. I think I can earn some money with my “live and learn” degree in English and Literature as soon as I can get my behind up and just do it :-).

SoCS gets into shape

Have you ever wondered about the expression:” Getting into shape”?

I assume it usually means to get fit and I also assume it assumes that being fit shows you in a good shape. Now that is a lot of assuming. LOL.

With me, there has never been a “getting into shape” ambition. My ambition was to write and to read lots of books which of course can get you into a certain shape as well depending on how much chocolate is available in the house ;-).  But not even that has worked out.

I stubbornly keep my size 14 (UK size that is) roundabout 11 Stone (approximately 66 – 70KG) no matter what. And I do not even own a scale. My credo is: If the trousers get too tight eat less! Looks like that works. I enjoy my daily cookie as well as butter on my toast and full-fat yoghurt. Emphasis on “enjoying”.

My uncle lives in Switzerland and is a chef and he used to be in “proper” chef-size. That changed when he got diabetes but before that he said something to me that stuck in my mind: “You know Beatrice”, he said, “the French eat lots of so-called unhealthy things but they enjoy it and eat slowly and with the family and for some strange reason they don’t get fat”. “Well, if my uncle says so!” I thought and left the whole “getting into shape” thing to the others…. :-).

However, when I read Linda’s prompt for today’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday that expression came into my mind and I wondered what kind of shapes one could get into: Something sausage-like maybe like a peg in a square hole? Or triangular for eternity? Or maybe something round to come full circle?

Which leads me back to the beginning: Getting into shape and wondering but I think I leave that to you guys as I am tired and might need some more sssssleeep 😉

Badge by: Doobster @ Mindful Digressions

You want to know more about Stream of Consciousness Saturday and maybe take part? Look here

SoCS goes to… ssssleep

The first thing I thought about when reading Linda’s prompt was actually “sophomore” but by Kungfu Panda (sorry we just saw the second 😉 film of the series) I am not from the United States and therefore have no clue what it really means. Besides I suffer from occasional insomnia (yes, I know this word does not start with s but it has one in it for your information 😉 ) and I just cannot get myself to google it.

My mind is set on sssssleep. Long, restful sssssleep. I cannot remember the last time when I have slept and woke up really refreshed. Does not matter, when I go to ssssssleep or how long I sssssleep: I just wake up feeling like a rock has fallen on me in my dreams and I stumble (yes another word starting with “S” well done! you spotted it) through the day like a zombie.

Sometimes it is a bit worse. Especially when I have a good book in my grasp. My latest sssssleepless night was because of Susan Wiggs “Summer at Willow Lake” (no, no don’t say it, DON’T…. 😉 ) Epic book but to be honest that usually doesn’t stop me that much from sssssleeping. It’s when my mental health goes downwards that I use any excuse to stay up and not have to face my haywire emotions. But never mind that.

The last few days I only had a few hours of sssssleep per night and that is how my consciousness swings now: To and fro. To an fro and only one word left on my mind: sssssleep!…..

Yes, there was more I wanted to write. Somewhere in my consciousness, I am sure it’s there but ……… sssssnore 😉

Description for visually impaired readers: black and white photo of a wooden sculpture: a sleeping woman on a bench

This post is part of Linda G Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Please head over to her brilliant blog and find more exciting Stream of Consciousness posts:


SoCS and first, second, third…. blogs

My first blog was with Blogger. I started in 2009 and I can’t even remember how it was called. I am sure though it was about my writing and life in general. Since then I had a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth, thirteenth and fourteenth blog (you are reading it right now :-))

No doubt, I am addicted 🙂 to blogging but somehow lack the stamina to stay with one. I probably get bored and then start doing something else. Not only though. I left a few behind because I had an ex-partner who was addicted to me as much as I am addicted to blogging. So I had to hide my tracks a little. I went underground with my social network and blogging activities. Thankfully a little caution by the police helped and I could come out again.I also did some blogging under pseudonym concerning healing from abuse and mental health issues which had to do with the fact that there is a limitation period on abuse cases in Germany and mines run out. If I am too open I get into trouble.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I am taking stock. Some might call it mid-life crises but I do not experience it as a crisis (or at least not anymore). I have come far from the little scared girl I have been in Germany some 40 years ago to move to my dream country, finding my dream man and family and fulfilling what I love to do: Writing and sharing knowledge. I was occupied with plain surviving for most of my life, but this is behind me now: I am more healed, more whole and at last can have a look what I really want and not what is safe for me to do.

This is a great time. I can discover a lot, try out a lot and celebrate what I have achieved so far. I am a little like “Aschenputtel/Cinderella” and putting my bad lentils into one pot and the good ones into another. And I will keep the good ones :-). But that is a process. It does not work from one day to another and no matter how keen I am to see where life will need me I have to be gentle with myself and allow myself that time to sit and ponder life and not being occupied with lots of things.

In this process, I am looking back to my different blogs and have a look at the different stories I have started but never finished. Sometimes you have to go back to get ahead and I try to figure out what I want to go ahead with and with what I do not want to go ahead with. I’m in the middle of it and am looking forward to finding out where it leads me…

This post is part of Linda G Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Please head over to her brilliant blog and find more exciting Stream of Consciousness posts:

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for SoCS September 27/14

SoCS ages

Am pretty uninspired today.

Last weeks prompt just made me ask what a “preposition” is and when I looked it up it was clear what to write.

This week’s feels more serious though. Or more philosophical. It doesn’t seem to be right to write something funny. Maybe I am not really up for it because I had a hard shift yesterday and got up really early in the last few days. I am not the youngest anymore after all.

Well, nearly 44 isn’t really old, I admit that. But it seems to be a time of change. My body does not do everything as easily anymore. I have to take a lot more care about myself than I used to, to feel healthy and ready to go about my day. I know menopause does not start before about 50 but I feel like my body already prepares itself for that great change. Not that I mind that. I always felt that I am a rather old soul who will come into her own when she is older.

I do not long for my childhood or teenager time. I am more than glad to be over that. Having lost my mum at the age of 12, being at the mercy of a very troubled father and being bullied at school didn’t make that area of my life an especially cheerful or happy one. That’s the past, though. I am through it and it made me who I am and I feel that I can reap the fruits of what I have learned now that I am older.

My life has worked out well after all. I can publish and write what I always wanted to do, I have a wonderful husband and step-children, a job and am reasonably healthy. I have wonderful friends all over the world, a roof over my head and live in my dream country.I feel like I have achieved a lot in my life. Not what one might expect like a brilliant career, but I have found healing for my early broken soul and have realised a dream of mine. Living in this great country.

I think mid-forties is a great time for a woman. You have established some things in your life, don’t need to worry so much anymore about what people think and can plan the second half of your life. That is what I have been doing for a few weeks. Establishing what I have achieved so far and where I want to go. It is exciting. When I was younger, I never believed I could go that far and be that happy. And I am very grateful for that.

The Bee is rude on SoCS

A preposition

This is the preposition of my blog post. It is short. I won’t write a lot today.


A tiny Blog Post

Today is Saturday and I have decided to keep myself out of the writing. Posts are scheduled and I bugger off with a cup of tea and a huge cookie to play on Facebook. Enjoy your Saturday!


An Epilogue

This is the epilogue to my blog post. It was short. I haven’t written a lot today ??.

Now bugger off you lot and get a life….


This entry takes part in Linda G Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday “preposition“. Please head over and find more amazing SoCS posts. If you are tempted to take part: Here are the rules 

Time for SoCS

Irene over at IreneDesign2011 and me had this idea a few weeks ago: to celebrate Stream of Consciousness Saturday together. So today we have done an experiment:


“Time flies” is what I am thinking a lot lately. I just took some time to answer two letters I got late in 2013! Isn’t that sad? Yes, I know, we are all busy and I had some troubles this year but still I think I could take some time out to be in contact with my friends and family.
On the other hand though this “troubled” time has gotten me in contact with some great people on the net who have helped me a lot to get back into normal probably without knowing it.

One of them is Irene over at IreneDesign2011 and a few weeks ago we had the idea to do a Stream of Consciousness post together. And forgot all about it the next week. And then we remembered. But at first we did not exactly know how to do it. So this week we take a little time for some “blog to blog” conversation about Linda’s prompt “time”.


Time flies yes, I feel that I just moved to a new and nice house, where everything was promised to be in perfect condition, but after just 20 days things started to break down.
The house is a rustical house, without running water and electricity. There are solar to use in daytime, evenit also sjould function perfectly and there should have been a perfect functioned generator, but this started one of the break downs here. Then the water tank broke down so at the moment a primitive kind of life, until next house is found.


Wow, that does not sound like fun. “Only time will tell” so they say and in Irene’s case it certainly did. We moved last year and had high hopes for a better life but it did not turn out like that. As time went on it showed that driving to work is an expensive undertaking in the UK and my dream of doing lots of gardening did not work out either. It feels like I constantly run out of time when blogging, doing some household chores (thank goodness the best husband in the world does his part) and working.


As Bee describes so right, all if us have our things to fight with in our lives. I think that driving might be expensive in crise times like now in many countries.
The last movement here was in April/May and now it is time to find another house, which is not so easy, when a garden also stands on the wish-list. There are many illegal houses in Spain and many of them are used to rent out for a “fair” price to poor people without much income or just people who wish to live more close to the nature.


It looks like getting decent accommodation is a hard thing all over Europe. I have had some bad experiences here in Britain as well but certainly not as hard as it sounds of what Irene is telling us. Would be high time for politicians to forget about their own income and do something for their people.


There are a lot of corruption in politics an this is very difficult to get rid of. Money talks and poor people walks. Many families have only one income if any at all. More than 25% are without job and young people live without money and without chances to get a job. Many are living together in the families, maybe old parents with a little pension, adult kids without jobs and grand kids in school. Here they all try to survive with the pension from the old parents.


I never thought as a teenager that I would see a time when people have to struggle so much. Without both our incomes our family would not be able to pay the rent or anything else we need. But somehow all of us make it work. Not very well maybe but as the families in Spain show there is always a way.


For me as a expat in Spain the most difficult for people here is to find hope for the future. As all places with people without a job, I see abuse by alcohol and drugs, which is not only for the young people. Many feel a  need to escape from their destiny, as their life look now.


“Hope for the future” seems to be a rare product in Great Britain as well. Many people are jobless and they look for an escape both with alcohol and food. At no time have I seen so many overweight people like I see here. It is so sad to see how they spend their benefits and time shopping in supermarkets instead of being at the beach or spending time doing a hobby.


Overweight is also a problem here. Not because of too much food, but caused the unhealthy cheep food with much oil, white bread and sweets.
In need for the hope for a future at all, many don’t care about anything else than the kids are not important.


I am aware that every one has to go their own path in life and that I cannot save any of them. But sometimes I wish I could. Sometimes I wish I could give those falling for alcohol or cheap and unhealthy food something to grab at and drag themselves out of this hopeless life. Time has shown me though that I am only responsible for my own destiny. But also that everything that I improve in my own life may have a good impact on those around me.


By life experience I also learned to “just go on” if I wished anything in my life. Nothing comes without we are doing anything ourselves. It would be nice, if it was possible to help the jobless people to find their way out of their feelings about having a hopeless life. We need to think about, what we can do to help other souls. Not always to think me, me & me.”

Wow, a real Stream of Consciousness post but I never thought two streams could work together :-).


This entry takes part in Linda G Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday “time“. Please head over and find more amazing SoCS posts. If you are tempted to take part: Here are the rules 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday goes bi-lingual…

…. or not.

Well, to fit the title I should really do this post in German as well but I am on holiday (that is why it is so late) and I cannot be bothered to translate. Sorry Ladies and Gentlemen I admit to being  lazy and not a busy Bee (it is out at last…. 😉 )

But as I could not find the picture of my husbands and my favourite mugs together and do  a post about how lovely the two of us  worked out  (we could easily be twins at least in our thoughts 😉 ) I had to go for the “bi” and what easier than me being “bi-lingual”.

Oh, I also wanted to do a double with Irene at IreneDesign 2011 but we still try to find THAT great idea how to do a SoCS post t(w)ogether and therefore left it at that for now. If you have an idea: Please let us know!!!!!!

So, where was I?

Wasn’t there something with coffee? Yes, Germans are supposed to drink lots of coffee but I always preferred tea. That is probably why I ended up in Great Britain and being bi-lingual. Oh, that’s it!

The “bi” in Linda’s prompt. Yes, I am bi-lingual and it sometimes makes my mind stumble a little: I just need to see a German film or read something in German and I start saying half of my sentence in one language and the other half in the other.  You can imagine the amount of funny looks I sometimes get from my family and co-workers and yes they are not only two ;-).

Most of the time though I do quite well in English. To be honest I think and dream in English and talking in German (proper German not Denglish (Deutsch -English) or Germlish (German – English)  😉 ) quite often feels a little funny.

Norfolk in Great Britain seems to be full of German immigrants and quite often I get a little lovely old lady speaking with some accent  at work and if I answer her in German her face lights up and I get one or two life stories told. That reminds me actually of “Forty – C’est Fantastiques” entry last week about people who light up our days.

Those elderly often formerly German ladies are really sweet and so polite and nice that it is a joy to serve them.  So I try to get back into a little German and tell them where I come from and why I am here and they go home a little happier than they came into the store.

But it feels funny and I often have trouble to find the right words or the right way to form a sentence in German and again I get some funny looks :-).

All in all though it is fine. I am quite proud that I do ok with both languages: after all, it is not a lot that we learn at school when we learn a language. It feels a little like being send out fishing just with a line and no hook or bait.

Even if you have done ok at school with the language you have learned you end up feeling an idiot as soon as you enter the country that speaks that language but unfortunately the people you face do speak some ancient dialect no one has ever heard of and you have to use your hands, feet and some cave-men noises to make yourself understood.

Yes, I have been to language school in Brighton some 25 years ago and I learned more French than English then: My guest parents had not only the German girl but also two much younger French boys with them who’s parents called practically every evening. They did not speak English. My guest parents did not speak French. I had learned two words of French at school so they asked me to help out and nice as I am I tried my best …. with lots of cave-men noises!

Never mind. I digress. It’s fun though to walk down memory lane… but before I get too tearful I better stop and head over to Linda’s Blog to find out what the other’s have made of this weeks prompt. And I invite you to do the same 🙂

This entry takes part in Linda G Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday “two/bi/double/twin“. Please head over and find more amazing SoCS posts. If you are tempted to take part: Here are the rules 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday is here and hears

The first thing that came into mind when I read Linda’s prompt for these weeks “Stream of Consciousness Saturday” was the British parliament. It is quite an interactive one and it always makes me laugh:

When ministers or politicians hold a speech and they say something their fellow party members agree with many of them shout “hear, hear”. I am used to the pretty silent and organised German parliament where they sit and listen quietly and probably just whisper with their neighbours. Seeing the British parliament on telly makes me feel like being in a comedy. Mind you, some of the politicians’ actions and decisions are more a comedy than serious decision making.

But they say: “Don’t talk about politics, sex or religion”. Bugger! The best topics here are taken away from me…. 😉


This entry takes part in Linda G Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday “hear/here“. Please head over and find more amazing SoCS posts. If you are tempted to take part: Here are the rules