Survivor Saturday ~ Changing Attitude

February 2019

Maybe this was the beginning of the journey I am currently on…

December 2016

We are at the end of the year and many of us use it for looking back.

So do I and what I can see in 2016 makes me proud:

2016 has not only fulfilled a dream (moving into our own house) for the best husband (Jeremy Clarkson voice) in the world and me but also changed my attitude profoundly.

Well, I have been working on this change for many years but in 2016 I have done a big step forward.

All year I have posted on and off about gratitude and the “Habits of Kindness & Gratitude” which were supposed to change your minds focus from hopelessness and being a victim to positivity and taking your life into your own hands. In my experience, this is entirely the case.

That change is subtle. It takes time. It is challenged by old thinking patterns time and time again but it works.

My day job hasn’t changed, I feel challenged by what is going on in the world and old experiences surface and challenge my relationships but I do not feel as much a victim of these circumstances anymore.

When I experience these challenges I, first of all, ask myself: What does that mean for me? How do I feel about it? And what can I do to stay in balance despite this upheaval?

Sometimes the answer is: if you can’t change the situation change your attitude!

At other times it is: if you go through hell, keep going!

But also: where is the blessing in disguise in this!

And always: what do I need to do at this moment to make myself feel better!

Being grateful for my wonderful husband and his children, for the home, we are allowed to create, for the basics of food, love and creativity keep me grounded in this very moment and help me choose actions that hopefully bring more positivity into this world and that makes me proud and happy.

It also proves that you can move from victim of abuse to survivor and thriver. It proves that you can be happy and fulfilled even when trauma has struck your life.

It is hard work. It includes looking at parts of your life that hurt terribly and it is an ongoing process but it is worth the energy you put into it.

In this sense: have a wonderful, healing and creative 2017!

Survivor Saturday ~ Helplines & Homepages to get you through holidays and other tough times

January 2019

I know Christmas is over but you might need help at all times of the year. That is why I post this one again in January.

December 2016

Christmas is supposed to be a time of cheerfulness and happy experiences. The sad truth is though that, Christmas is a difficult time if you are a survivor of abuse. So often abuse has happened more at any holiday and of course at Christmas too so memories might surface and give you trouble.

You might still be in contact with the abuser/s and might see them at the holidays and further abuse might happen in different forms. And it is a stressful time anyway so memories find their way in easier. It is also a difficult time for parents and partners of survivors of abuse.

A few years ago I did a post about helplines who can be there to support you if you are in distress or in crisis or someone you love is. Unfortunately, I lost it but I thought today is a good time to do another one.

Well, one post is too small to post global helplines so I had a look at my stats and chose to write for those countries where most of my readers come from.

But no matter, if I have a helpline for you or not, please remember: This problem is only temporary. Life will get better and you are strong enough and have enough resources inside yourself to get through this.

It’s not about Christmas I admit but still helpful :-). Video credit: Trauma Recovery University via YouTube

And here are a few resources that will help you this Christmas (and any other holiday in any religion):

UK:

Resource: The Survivors Trust

The National Association for People Abused in Childhood (NAPAC)

Call 0808 801 0331 free from all landlines and mobiles
NAPAC provides a national freephone support line for adults who have suffered any type of abuse in childhood.
Telephone support line opening hours: Monday – Thursday 10:00am-9.00pm and Friday 10.00am-6.00pm/ no information about Christmas opening times
Website: www.napac.org.uk

SurvivorsUK Helpline Web Chat

National Helpline Web Chat for adult male survivors of rape or sexual
Monday – Friday 10.30 – 21:00; Saturday – Sunday 10:00 – 18:00/no information about Christmas opening times
Website: www.survivorsuk.org

MOSAC (Mothers of Sexually Abused Children)  0800 980 1958

Supporting all non-abusing parents and carers whose children have been sexually abused. We provide various types of support services and information for parents, carers and professionals dealing with child sexual abuse.
Website: www.mosac.org.uk Unfortunately, the helpline moves and is not available from December 16th up to January.

SupportLine 01708 765200

Confidential emotional support to children, young adults and adults by telephone, email and post.
Website: www.supportline.org.uk No information of Christmas opening times

CISters  (Surviving Rape and/or Sexual Abuse) 02380 338080

Answerphone 023 80 338080 is usually monitored daily during the week and callers can choose to leave their name and phone number, and we will call them back and will take care when doing so. Or can email admin@cisters.org.uk

The helpline is available to female adult survivors of childhood rape/sexual abuse, and others can call if they have a concern about such issues.  In the case of the latter we will seek to signpost them to appropriate services. No information about Christmas opening times

PODS: Positive Outcomes for Dissociative Survivors
A project of Survivors Trauma and Abuse Recovery Trust (START)

PODS works to make recovery from dissociative disorders a reality through training, informing and supporting.
Helpline: 0800 181 4420 – Tuesdays 6-8pm or appointments at other times by contacting the office
Email: mail@start-online.org.uk  (for START) or info@pods-online.org.uk (for PODS)
Website: www.start-online.org.uk and www.pods-online.org.uk

US & Canada:

Resourse: Isurvive

The Sex Abuse Treatment Center

http://www.satchawaii.org/

We help adults, teenagers and children; both females and males.

55 Merchant Street, 22nd Floor

Honolulu, Hawaii 96813

24/7 Crisis Hotline; 1-808-524-7273

Survivors of Incest Anonymous (SIA)

http://www.siawso.org
Offers self-help twelve-step recovery program for adult survivors of child sexual abuse. Defines incest and child abuse broadly. Provides general information, as well as information on how to start a new support group.
World Service Office
P.O. Box 190
Benson, MD 21018-9998
(410)- 893-3322

Incest Survivors Anonymous (ISA)

http://www.lafn.org/medical/isa/home.html
Self-help, mutual-help twelve-step support groups for survivors. For groups & meeting information and literature write them, (specify you are a survivor) or call.
P.O. Box 17245
Long Beach, CA. 90807-7245
(562)-428-5599

RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network )

http://www.rainn.org/
Operates the U.S. National Sexual Assault Hotline and also provides a 24 live secure online hotline for victims, friends and family. Offers support and information about individual/group counseling, medical attention, reporting a crime, finding shelter and many other services.
2000 L Street NW, Suite 406
Washington, DC 20036
(800)-656-HOPE or 4673 (24 hour hotline)
https://ohl.rainn.org/online/ (24 hour online hotline)

Women Organized Against Rape (WOAR)

http://www.woar.org
(215)-985-3333 (24 hour hotline)

They provide crisis intervention services to help survivors who have recently been sexually assaulted.
They also provide counseling and advocacy for survivors of sexual assault and sexual abuse, community education and public information about sexual violence.
One Penn Center
1617 JFK Boulevard Suite 1100
Philadelphia, PA 19103
(215)-985-3315
(215)-985-9111 fax

Domestic Violence Survival

http://www.domesticviolence.com/content.html
(800)- 799-7233(SAFE)
(800)-621-4673 (HOPE) in NY
Information and referrals to shelters, crisis, long and short-term counseling, legal assistance, document replacement, lock replacement

Sources for Domestic Violence Prevention from SocialWorkDegree.net

http://www.socialworkdegree.net/domestic-violence-prevention/
List of over 100 organizations throughout the U.S. that offer counseling, advice, and even shelter to members of families where domestic violence has occurred. The sources listed include: advocates for better policies and social support systems, 24 hour hotlines and crisis counselors, and organizations that support and help domestic violence victims in their healing and recovery psychologically.

Safe Horizon

http://www.safehorizon.org
Safe Haven provides resources for domestic violence, rape, sexual assault and incest victims. NY Area programs include services for domestic violence, rape, sexual assault, child abuse, stalking, human trafficking, and homeless youths.
2 Lafayette Street
New York, NY 10007
(212)-577-7700
(212)-385-0331 fax

YWCA Rape Crisis Center

http://www.ywca-sv.org/programs/rape_crisis_center.php
Area programs include a 24-hour crisis line for survivors, family members, and friends, accompaniment of survivors to hospital and through the reporting and judicial process, peer support groups, child abuse and assault prevention programs and free confidential crisis counseling.
375 South Third Street
San Jose, CA 95112
(800)-572-2782 (domestic violence crisis line)
(408)-287-3000 (24 hour rape crisis line)
(650)-493-7273 (24 hour rape crisis line)

The Sexual Assault Crisis Center

http://thecenter-ct.org/
Programs include state-wide Spanish and English 24-hour hotlines, individual short-term counseling, support groups, advocacy and benefit assistance.
1 Dock Street, Suite 320
Stamford , CT 06902
(888)-999-5545 (24-hour hotline, English)
(888)-568-8332 (24-hour hotline, Spanish)

Survivors Network of those Abused by Priests- SNAP

http://www.snapnetwork.org/
SNAP provides support and knowledge to all victims of clergy abuse and advocates helping ensure that in future generations, children will be safe. (U.S. & Canada)
PO Box 6416
Chicago, IL 60680-6416
(312) 455-1499
(877) 762-7432

Gift From Within (GFW)

http://www.giftfromwithin.org
This site is dedicated to those who suffer post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), those at risk for PTSD, and those who care for traumatized individuals. Articles, book reviews, coping ideas poetry and peer support through the pal network for women suffering from PTSD.
16 Cobb Hill Rd.
Camden, Maine 04843
(207)-236-8858
Fax: (207)-236-2818

Pandora’s Project

http://www.pandys.org/
This site provides support and resources for survivors of rape and sexual abuse. Included are articles and resources as well as a support forum and chat area. It is one of the few forum sites open to minor survivors (16 and older).
3109 W. 50th Street, Suite #320
Minneapolis, MN 55410
email: admin@pandys.org
(612)-234-4204

HealthyPlace.com

http://www.healthyplace.com/
HealthyPlace.com is the largest consumer mental health site, providing comprehensive, trusted information on psychological disorders and psychiatric medications from both a consumer and expert point of view. They have an active mental health social network for support, online psychological tests, breaking mental health news, mental health videos, our documentary films, a live mental health TV show, unique tools like our “mediminder” and more.

video credit: Rachel Platten via YouTube

Australia:

Resourse: Isurvive

ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse), Australia

http://www.asca.org.au/
ASCA is a national organization which works to improve the lives of adult survivors of child abuse throughout Australia. Resources include: daily safety tools, crisis help, court info, ASCA workshops, etc.
PO Box 597
Milsons Point
NSW 1565
(02) 8920 3611
email: info@asca.org.au

ACSSA (Australian Institute of Family Studies), Australia

http://www.aifs.gov.au/acssa/crisis.html
ACSSA is a central collection point for research, information and resources about sexual assault in Australia. Their resources include crisis support for adult survivors of sexual abuse.
Level 20 South Tower
485 La Trobe Street
MELBOURNE VIC 3000
Australia
Ph: +61 3 9214 7888,  Fax: +61 3 9214 7839

1800RESPECT, Australia

https://www.1800respect.org.au/
National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service for people living in Australia. They assist people who have been or who are affected by sexual assault, domestic or family violence by providing online and telephone counseling. Resources are also available for loved ones and professionals.
PO Box 4069 Lane Cove
NSW 2066
Ph: 1800 737 732
email: privacy@medibankhealth.com.au

China: Sorry, I could not find any helplines for survivors

Resource: Suicide.org

Beijing Suicide Research and Prevention Center Hotline
BEIJING
Hotline: Free: 0800-810-1117
Hotline: Mobile/IP/extension users: 010-8295-1332
Website: crisis.org.cn

Lifeline Shanghai
Shanghai
Contact by: – Phone
Hotline: (21) 63798990
Website: lifelineshanghai.com

Lifeline Yanji
Yanji
Contact by: – Phone
Hotline: (0433) 273 9595
Hours:
Mon: 08:00 – 16:00
Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun: 08:00 – 16:00

Video Credit: Xavier Naido via YouTube

Germany: Links are in German

Resource: Dissoziation und Trauma.de

www.schotterblume.de
Bundesweite Hilfe für Mißbrauchsopfer (auch Männer): Tel. 0700-73353644
e-mail-Beratung unter: seelenhilfe@schotterblume.de

www.zartbitter.de
Die bedeutendste Kontakt- und Informationsstelle gegen sexuellen Mißbrauch an Mädchen und Jungen. Ist seit 20 Jahren tätig und macht viel Öffentlichkeitsarbeit

www.frauennotrufe.de
Bundesverband autonomer Frauenberatungsstellen und Frauennotrufe; Kontakte zu regionalen parteilich-feministischen und patriarchatskritischen Projekten und Beratungsstellen, insbesondere auch im Zusammenhang mit sexualisierter Gewalt. Öffentlichkeitsarbeit. Beratung auch auf englisch und türkisch

www.big-hotline.de
Hilfe bei häuslicher Gewalt gegen Frauen, telefonisch 030/6110300 (täglich 9-24 Uhr), falls erforderlich, mit Dolmetscherinnen (in 51 Sprachen). Unterstützung für Angehörige und soziale Einrichtungen, online- und e-mail-Beratung

And you can find many more helplines of different countries but mainly for mental health problems at Together We Are Strong

 

 

Blast from the past: Notes from a Survivor

January 2019

It is nearly a year that I stopped working at the supermarket and while it was not a particularly auspicious decision for our finances it certainly is for my mental health. I did not enjoy Christmas 2018 particularly because of all the emphasis of buying more and more but I was fully, entirely and enormously grateful not having to experience it again working in a Supermarket. But here my blasts from the past about Christmas and the Supermarket

December 2017

It’s another Christmas at the supermarket and it looks like it’s going to be the worst so far staff wise. Looks like we are not getting any extra staff to deal with the extra work and on top of that many of us are checkout trained and spent 50% of their time down there but are expected to get their normal jobs done as well.

I doubt it is only the company I work for that operates like that. So if you come across a very stressed and maybe not as friendly as usual shop worker please give them a smile and tell them they are doing a great job this Christmas because that makes all the difference.

Two years ago I wrote about my experiences with going to work when my anxiety is extremely high and how some people don’t get what that means. I also asked myself the question why I care about what they think. I am pleased to report that I have developed a thicker skin when it comes to these people. It still bothers me at times but mostly I just get on with my job of breathing my anxiety down and thinking “It’s just a job, not a life-threatening situation”.

But here my experience two years ago:

December 2015

I woke up with this rock hard feeling in my stomach that indicates this won’t be a good day.

It will be a day of constantly monitoring my breathing and thoughts, of reminding myself that not all is lost and what I have achieved so far. It will be a day of “forcing” myself to do the things I enjoy and constantly reminding myself not to give up.

The worst is over. It happened in my past. I am safe now. Why though doesn’t it feel safe? Why though does it still feel like I am helplessly in the claws of my feelings and fellow humans some of whom just don’t give a damn.

Don’t get me wrong: I am lucky enough to have a stable support system of family and friends around me who just take me as I am and who love me dearly.

But those others I have to deal with can make life hell. They say things like: “well you get paid for coming to work! ” when I try to explain that I am there even though I am not well.

I see it in their eyes that they consider me a drama queen because I am good at my job and cope most of the time.

These people make that rock in my stomach just that little bit harder to bear.

Why though do I bother? Why though do I care? Why do I give them this sort of power over me?

After my last flashback and break down I told my husband that I feel ashamed of the way I reacted towards them and he looked blankly at me and said: “It’s not you who should be ashamed! It’s them! And I can’t stop thinking about these two sentences. It’s not me – it’s them….

QUOTE of the Day ~ Dissociation

“Fear and anxiety affect decision making in the direction of more caution and risk aversion… Traumatized individuals pay more attention to cues of threat than other experiences, and they interpret ambiguous stimuli and situations as threatening (Eyesenck, 1992), leading to more fear-driven decisions. In people with a dissociative disorder, certain parts are compelled to focus on the perception of danger. Living in trauma-time, these dissociative parts immediately perceive the present as being “just like” the past and “emergency” emotions such as fear, rage, or terror are immediately evoked, which compel impulsive decisions to engage in defensive behaviors (freeze, flight, fight, or collapse). When parts of you are triggered, more rational and grounded parts may be overwhelmed and unable to make effective decisions.”
― Suzette BoonCoping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists

How Music impacts these 14 Artist’s Mental Health

January 2019

No, it’s not Monday but we are all still busy. So here a re-post from March 2018

March 2018

It is Monday, you are all busy so I just share an interesting video about music and mental health.

Please enjoy:

Cuppa Tea TV is an Irish organisation that promotes music in all its forms.

Dark Tea Time of the Soul…

December 2018

This was first posted in July 2016. It is unedited and I left it in this raw form…

July 2016

A cycle is over. I have been fairly happy for some time but as soon as I felt the need of a blogging break I knew what was coming.

The long dark night of my soul.

It’s not as long as it used to be but it feels a lot more volatile. Literally more volatile.

I used to be depressed and anxious all the time. It started just after my mother passed away and I became a teenager. I fought a turmoil of feelings every night before I went to bed.

Crying, biting my hands or arms to not scream the pain and rage I was feeling out into the world. Every night for about 4 years. It still happened after that but not as often.

With an enormous amount of energy I built an armour around my feelings that let myself come across as cold at times.

I didn’t feel the pain or rage anymore but I couldn’t reach the happy places either. The only way to survive was becoming a human puppet that acted like everything was OK but nothing was.

Imagine the worst day and in your life. Imagine how you felt at that day. Then imagine you carry these feelings inside every day but never show them and get on with life like nothing has happened. Imagine how much energy you need to contain all those feelings.

That’s how I was when I met my husband. Then a miracle happened.

That armour broke bit by bit. Allowing myself to live the dream of going to Britain and after a volatile relationship at last finding the person I was waiting for all of my life cracked it open.

Writing about my experiences and therapy were me actively helping to break it down. After I experienced EMDR therapy most of that armour was gone.

And I had expected to be happy at last. I expected to lay that turmoil to rest and live, love and achieve more of my dreams.

What I didn’t expect was that that rage and turmoil stubbornly sticks to me like old chewing gum.

Don’t get me wrong: I am happy and that turmoil is quiet most of the time but it does raise it’s head every now and then just to remind me where I come from. It is not at rest yet.

I need to have a look at it. Feelings and situations that stubbornly crop up time and time again are meant to teach us something.

But as they are usually uncomfortable we prefer to look away. And when we look away they come back with a vengeance.

That turmoil comes back with a huge vengeance to me. I couldn’t look at it when I was a teenager but it has come back to haunt me. It demands it now that I can live and do not only survive anymore.

Can you see the irony???

It’s been a long journey since my mother passed away and I was crying every night for years.

If I am honest I haven’t done too bad. I managed a good education, got a degree, have always worked at least a little bit, have an amazing family, managed to immigrate and write. I have no alcohol or drug problem but you do have to pay a price for surviving.

You have to pay a price for not giving up on life and your fellow humans.

The price is that at one point you have to have a look at the long dark tea time of your soul and figure out where the silverlining is.

That my dear readers is a terrifying prospect. If you feel as deeply and passionately as I do the rage is enormous.

Its a dinosaur stomping at you in a small alley and there is no way out than facing it and fighting. Fighting to the death.

And I am not sure if I am ready for it. But my rage has thrown the gauntlet and its not going away.

Vitamin D and Mental Health ~ Randi Fredricks, Ph.D on YouTube

December 2016

It’s winter in the northern hemisphere and clinical as well as seasonal depression is more of a problem than usual. That is why I repost this entry to give some ideas on how you can boost your mood.

May 2016

Last year I went to see my GP to ask her about the influence certain vitamins and minerals may have on my mental health. She said to me that UK GP’s do not believe in checking on Vitamins as regular nutrition should give me everything I need.

I was quite disappointed as I am from Germany and many GP’s there are very open to holistic healing methods and often are trained both in allopathic and holistic healing methods. In my experience, that combination is great to give a patient the best of both worlds.

Three times I was advised to take traditional antidepressants prescribed by my GP’s and even though I took them as long as they were said to start working, they made my condition a lot worse. In between I had been taking St. Johns wort and I never experienced an extreme worsening of my condition. It always enabled me to manage depression and anxiety a lot better.

Lately, I have read a lot about the impact Vitamin D has on mental health and I think the connection is worth considering and learning more about. That is why I share a video by the San Jose Counseling and Psychotherapy practice where Randi Fredricks, Ph.D. explains a little about Vitamin D and its connection with depression.


Video Source: San Jose Counseling and Psychotherapy via YouTube

Further Reading:

Psychology Today ~ Psychological Consequences of Vitamin D Deficiency 

NHS ~ Health Claims about Vitamin D examined

WebMD ~ Low Levels of Vitamin D May Be Linked To Depression

Natural News ~ Depression caused by Vitamin D Deficiency, Study Reveals

DISCLAIMER:

I am not a health professional. My posts describe my thoughts, my experiences and my conclusions about life, mental health and self-improvement. My described actions always go alongside therapy and do not substitute professional advice from a health professional be it a doctor, therapist or counsellor.

I invite you to try out self-care tools, however, if any of these make you feel uncomfortable please stop and do not go further ahead. Also, if any of the tools suggested bring up issues that need dealing with do not hesitate to reach out for professional help.

To recognise when you need to stop and when to reach out for professional or any other help is one important part to learn when it comes to self-care.

Please look here if you need further guidance:

UK:

Mind

NHS

USA:

MentalHealth.gov

Canada:

Government of Canada

I don’t give a FU..!

December 2018

I wasn’t sure if I should re-post this one at its original date, or now in December. I decided to do it now because December is a time for so many when depression and suicidal thoughts take over and win. If you feel that there is no hope, please do not stay alone. At the end of this post is a link to one of my Pinterest boards that contain help-lines for mental health problems and suicide prevention lines. My latest suicidal episode was last December and only the strong embrace of the best husband (Jeremy Clarkson Voice) in the World stopped me from ending all this pain that I am still fighting every day. You are not alone! There is help! There are people who understand and who can get you out of that dark pit.

and sorry for my bad language…

August 2014

As I stated last night: I did not want to write about Robin Williams death. But reading a compassionless Facebook status yesterday and Cheryl Fassett’s blog post “Behind the brightest smiles” made me realise I do want to write about it.

I am still very sad about the fact that that person wrote this kind of comment. Looks to me like he found that funny and there were people agreeing with him and commenting something like: “You should rather mourn those poor children in war zones and poverty than a celebrity”. My opinion is though that those who really feel for Robin Williams also feel and probably often do a lot for those poor children. Besides, does it give those children more to eat or save them from war when you make compassionless comments about Robin Williams death?

I read an advice quite often lately: “If you cannot say something nice ~ say nothing at all” and I think that would be something good to teach our children and I am sure I make all those sarcastic “realists” out there cringe and laugh at me. I do not give a FU..!

What I give a FU.. about is the fact that one of the best comedians of our time had to fight so hard and long against an illness that is so riddled with taboos and the stigma that goes with it that he gave up in the end!

What I give a FU.. about is the realisation that I have been there too. When my mother passed away, I was thinking about it long and hard, but my survival instinct was too strong to give up. In my twenties when some haunting memories came back, I had the knife in my hand and at my arteries ( I didn’t know it would not really have worked anyway). Again, my survival instinct was too strong and I thank god and the universe every day that I am blessed with such a strong survival instinct and that my depression is not that bad.

But I have been there and I know it might come back any time. I also know what it means when you see no help anywhere, no matter how many loved ones are around you or how brilliant your life is. You know all this, but it does not weigh the desperation and dread up that you feel. There are no words to describe that. You need to be in a very, very bad state to be able to go against your survival instinct.

The hopelessness that you are in is a bottomless hole and nothing good in your life will fill it. There is nothing you can do about it no matter how reality looks like. And that is what people who do not suffer from any mental health issue do not understand: There is nothing you can do about the way life looks to you.

Yes, with therapy, medication and hopefully understanding family and friends you learn to see the warning signs and start using tools to not let that state win but it will always be there and pop up again and again. You have to be constantly on your toes, to watch yourself and make sure you do not let your guards down to let the black dog win. Only those living with it know how much energy that needs and how strong these people are who manage to live a normal life despite the blackness in their hearts.

Maybe that is why Robin Williams was such a great artist and comedian: Because he knew of that darkness. He knew it intimately and being funny was the only way to deal with it. And maybe his death allows us to openly discuss what depression and other mental health issues really mean and it will make those not suffering from it aware of how cruel they sometimes react and get a little glimpse of understanding from it. That I give a FU.. about too!

If you need help ~ please do not stay alone:

Pinterest board with helplines from all over the world

Why not just let go/ Warum nicht einfach gehen lassen

October 2018

This still affects me. I still look over my shoulders now and again and feel followed. I hope the person has moved on now…

October 2011

Some of us left someone but that someone does not want to let go. They still email even though you have made pretty clear that you do not wish to be contacted by the person. They ask for money even though they owe you quite a lot and they try everything to get you back into their life with whatever guilt trip they know of. Well, that is actually stalking! And these people should be very very careful because we will not let them do that for the rest of our lives. The police take this very very seriously thank goodness!

What I do not understand is the fact that people can not let go. Why try and force someone into contact that the person clearly does not want? What do these people win from it? They just make the other person want to stay away even more and make sure to stay away. It is silly not to respect someone else’s boundaries. Well, why not just let go?

Oktober 2018

Das alles hat immer noch einen Einfluss auf mich. Ich schaue immer noch oft ueber meine Schulter und fuehle  mich verfolgt. Ich hoffe die Person ist jetzt darueber hinweg….

Oktober 2011

Einige von uns haben die Erfahrung gemacht, dass jemand sie nicht gehen lassen will. Sie schreiben immer noch emails obwohl man ihnen klargemacht hat, dass man keinen Kontakt mehr wuenscht. Sie bitten um Geld, obwohl sie einem jede menge schulden und versuchen jede moegliche Art einen schuldig fuehlen zu lassen, um sie zurueck in ihr Leben zu bekommen. Tja das ist ehrlich gesagt stalking! Und diese Menschen sollten sehr vorsichtig sein, was sie tun, weil wir uns das nicht fuer immer gefallen lassen. Zum Glueck nimmt die Polizei das sehr ernst!

Was ich nicht verstehe ist, warum diese Leute nicht los lassen koennen. Warum jemandem zu Kontakt zwingen, der die/derjenige nicht will? Was gewinnen diese Leute davon? Das einzige, was sie erreichen ist, dass die andere Person noch mehr Abstand will und alles tun wird, um den auch zu bekommen. Es ist unsinnig die Grenzen seines Gegenueberz nicht zu respektieren. Warum die Person nicht einfach gehen lassen?

The big four zero/ Die grosse Null nach der Vier

October 2018

The big five zero is rapidly approaching and I am still working on it. But I think I am getting there 🙂

May 2011

It is 7 months now that I hit the big four zero. I always thought I would enjoy it as you grow a bit more relaxed with a bit more life experience. But alas there goes my dream. One of my biggest challenges and one of the biggest changes in my life took place.

If you believe spiritual people life around 40 means to take stock of what you have achieved and to start living your life’s purpose. And if I have a look at the last 7 months that is what it is all about. What do I want from my life, how can I get it and is it worth it? Of course not worth as in money but worth as in happiness.

Maybe at the end that is what it is all about. What makes me happy. Life is too short to be unhappy no matter what happened. I live now. Not yesterday, last month or 30 years ago. Just this second, this moment is what counts. And if I can create a life that makes me want to live it and give a feeling of joy then that is definitely worth it!

Description for visually impaired readers: A tree with yellow foliage in front of a bluish grey cloudy sky

OKtober 2018

Die grosse fuenf null kommt naeher und naeher und ich arbeite immer noch daran. Aber ich bin jetzt ganz nahe… 🙂

Mai 2011

Es ist nun 7 Monate her, dass ich die grosse Null nach der Vier erreicht habe. Ich hatte immer geadacht, dass ich das voll geniesen werde, da man mit etwas mehr Lebenserfahrung auch was ausgeglichener wird. Aber das war wohl nix. Eine meine groessten Herausforderungen und Veraenderungen hat stattgefunden.
Wenn man spirituellen Leuten glaubt geht es beim Leben um die 40 darum Bilanz zu ziehen und an zu fangen nach dem Sinn des eigenen Lebens zu leben. Und wenn ich mir die letzten 7 Monate so ansehe war es genau das. Was will ich von diesem Leben, wie kriege ich es und ist es das wert? Natuerlich nicht wert = Geld sondern wert = gluecklich sein.
Im Grunde ist gluecklich sein eh das worum es geht. Das Leben ist zu kurz, um ungluecklich zu sein egal was so passiert ist. Ich lebe jetzt. Nicht gestern, nicht letzten Monat oder vor 30 Jahren. Nur diese Sekunde, dieser Moment zaehlt. Und wenn ich ein Leben entwerfen kann, dass ich leben will und das mir Freude bereitet dann ist es das auf alle Faelle wert!