Zusammenfassung ( Z for #A2ZChallenge2018)

A2ZZusammenfassungSo! We are done! And I haven’t managed to visit all blogs. Sorry. Hope you’ll forgive me.

But as you might have realised this post is not where it is supposed to be. On beehalton.com but here ~ the new home of “The Bee Writes…”.

Money makes The Bee Writes… and there isn’t enough there at the moment. So I had to move again and I have to say I am tired of moving. I am short of stopping to blog again but no I won’t. Everybody knows my addiction to blogging. But I digress.

“Zusammenfassung” is German and means “summary”.  I wanted to write a cool “Zusammenfassung” of my month of “Blogging from A to Z” and how my self-esteem has improved or deproved or whatever…

But my mind is chaotic.

It was interesting. It was fun. It was challenging. But I have enough now. Too much change in my life lately. I’m fine. Don’t worry. I get to my new direction wherever it might be. But I just can’t concentrate anymore.

So I hope all my fellow “A2Z’lers” had some fun, found some new blogs and are on and upwards to new blogging hights.

What’s left to say? Thanks for reading and if you haven’t read all A-Z posts on “The Bee Writes…” then have a look here.

May your self-esteem become strong and healthy and many happy returns!!!!

Yucca ( Y for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

Ah, the mysterious Yucca plant 😉

It was a rather popular houseplant in the 1980’s in Germany and was often connected with people who were softies, hippies, sociology or social work students. The running gag in my neck of the woods was: “Let’s sit under the Yucca, drink a cuppa and have a chat about it!”

I am sure it makes no sense whatsoever to you my dear readers (unless you were young and needed the money in the 80’s in Germany 😉 ) but I tell you about it anyway.

It was not often that my brother and I did “perform” together. But one Christmas at my step-moms we did an ad hoc sketch about two hippie-like students who just had to talk things through under the yucca. We were hilarious and made the whole family laugh.

I never had the chance to do something similar afterwards but I really enjoyed it. And I just realised I do not have a Yucca anymore. Used to own a huge one in a huge plant pot. Might ponder to get one again even though I am sure the best husband (Jeremy Clarkson voice) in the world is not fond of yuccas. Never mind. That might be a present to me after surviving A2Z 2018 😉


copyright: DeanoRav via YouTube

XYLOGRAPHER (X for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

Ah, we go sophisticated.

A little late maybe.

For all those who do not know what a Xylographer is here an explanation:




the art of engraving on wood, or of printing from such engravings.
I have to admit I am cheating a little here. Had a look on one of those scrabble word pages for words that start with X as (you know it) there aren’t that many in English. Xylographer hit a chord because one of my favourite authors is Herman Hesse and one of my favourite books is “Narcissus and Goldmund“.
The story is of a young man in the middle ages who comes to a cloister school just to find out that life as a scholar is not exactly his calling. He starts wandering through medieval Germany and when he sees a wood carvers work he wants to learn this craft.
Hesse’s stories are full of life lessons and wisdom and his language is rather old-fashioned. I just love it. I do not know all of his work but have read the major books besides one: I could not read “The Glass Bead Game” yet because I was not ready. Maybe it is time for me now to read it 🙂 .
Have I told you that Herman Hesse is a fellow Swabian? Yes, he was born in Calw in the Black Forest about 75 Miles West of where I was born but he travelled a little. He also spent his childhood in a Pietist family which is a rather conservative part of the Protestant Church in the South of Germany. My grandparents on my mother’s side believed in Pietist teachings too and often had meetings in their home.
And there are more parallels:  he suffered from depression from an early age on, read widely encouraged by his grandfather and he did not like nationalism.
I’ll leave you with an extract of “Narcissus and Goldmund” just in case you do not know his work. It is definitely worth exploring especially if you are interested in philosophy and spirituality.
I am sorry I did cheat a little today. But finding a word in English starting with X that fits in with self-esteem and self-love is a little…. challenging 😉
However, Hesse’s books definitely formed my way of seeing this world and my life.

copyright: Herman Hesse

Find more brilliant A to Z Challenge blogs here  and info about the A to Z Challenge here

I try to visit all the participants at least once and leave a message and if possible even more often 🙂

Weakness ( W for #A2ZChallenge2018 )


I am run out of words.

It happens.

It happens more often than not.


What is it?

Is it what we perceive or what others perceive?

Or is it?




Raging. Wild


Maybe it is time to reassess:


copyright: Rita Yahan-Farouz via TEDxTelAviv on YouTube

Value ( V for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

Sometimes it is best to just listen to a story:

copyright: Sean Buranahiran via Irfan Sial on YouTube


Find more brilliant A to Z Challenge blogs here  and info about the A to Z Challenge here

I try to visit all the participants at least once and leave a message and if possible even more often 🙂


Unresolved ( U for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

Have you ever wondered what makes a situation “unresolved”?

What exactly is it that makes us lose our peace over something?

Is it that we want it to be different? Is it that we feel we were treated unfairly? Is it the hurt we experienced?

And how do you let this “being unresolved” go?

They say we can’t control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it but I am wondering if that is really the case. There are “ancient” parts in our brains that just do not react to logic and no matter what we consider “sensible” in our reactions to a given situation it just stays illogically dangerous or painful.

My mother’s death happened in 1983. That is over 30 years ago and even though my logic tells me that I could not change anything no matter how nice I behaved it is still a thorn in my mind and my emotions.

I consider her death “unresolved” but I do not get what exactly is that, that I cannot let go. It feels like there is a piece missing to that situation and unless I can find that piece I won’t be whole.

You could, of course, say that it is so long ago and it should not make me feel bad anymore. However, it still does. Not as raw as over 30 years ago. But it feels like a sore that festers and just doesn’t heal no matter what I try and how much I live mindfully.

There is something broken between my emotions and my logic and so far I could not build a bridge. And it worries me. It worries me that something that happened so long ago still has such a huge impact on me.

Not thinking about it makes no difference. I tried that for at least 20 years. Writing poetry about it does not really bridge it too. I don’t get it. It makes no sense whatsoever. So, for now, I need to leave this post unresolved too. There is no solution but I keep you updated…

A song that comforts me a lot lately

The Water ~ J. Flynn and L. Marling

All that I have is a river
The river is always my home
Lord, take me away
For I just cannot stay
Or I’ll sink in my skin and my bones

The water sustains me without even trying
The water can’t drown me, I’m done
With my dying

Please help me build a small boat
One that’ll ride on the flow
Where the river runs deep
And the larger fish creep
I’m glad of what keeps me afloat

The water sustains me without even trying
The water can’t drown me, I’m done
With my dying

Now deeper the water I sail
And faster the current I’m in
That each night brings the stars

And the song in my heart
Is a tune for the journeyman’s tale
The water sustains me without even trying
The water can’t drown me, I’m done
With my dying

Now the land that I knew is a dream
And the line on the distance grows faint
So wide is my river, the horizon a sliver
The artist has run out of paint

Where the blue of the sea meets the sky
And the big yellow sun leads me home
I’m everywhere now, the way is a vow
To the wind of each breath by and by

The water sustains me without even trying
The water can’t drown me, I’m done
With my dying


Find more brilliant A to Z Challenge blogs here  and info about the A to Z Challenge here

I try to visit all the participants at least once and leave a message and if possible even more often 🙂

Trust ( T for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

Trust is a secretive creature.

Even though everybody seems to know its cycles and life lessons only a few have truly embraced its power.

There was the fox teaching a little prince. It spoke of patience. It spoke of boundaries. It spoke of regularity.

And unlike many, the little prince listened. He listened and learned. He learned that good things can end and it breaks your heart.

It breaks your heart but it is in your hands if you let the pieces shatter all over the floor. All over the floor is one option, however, there is your soul that spreads like a safety net and cradles the pieces with hope and love and mindfulness.

With hope and love and mindfulness, you heal a heartache and a life.

A heartache and a life are all you need to grow up and walk the walk and talk the talk.

Trust is a secretive creature.

Only grown-up souls can catch a glimpse of its gentle touch when it follows our light trails.

Magically drawn to the sensitive ones. They see it for what it is: a breathtaking phenomenon that makes no sense whatsoever. At the same time, it is the reason for living.

Once broken it hardly comes back. It hides in our memories and dreams. It becomes a mirage that fools a thirsty soul into going on the quest. The quest of forgiving and letting go. The quest for staying in the moment. The quest for creation.

And at its end, we realise it did not vanish. It has been waiting at the bottom of our hearts quietly humming our life’s song. At rock bottom, the miracle happens.

Trust is a secretive creature. Observe it with care. Cradle it with all that you are. And then let it free. If you are worthy, it will find its way back to you.

The animation was done by the great Vladimir Tomin via Vitaly Zavadksyy on YouTube


Find more brilliant A to Z Challenge blogs here  and info about the A to Z Challenge here

I try to visit all the participants at least once and leave a message and if possible even more often 🙂

Strength ( S for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

When I think of “Strength” I directly think of the Haindl Tarot. It is the only Tarot deck I own and I used to do a lot of readings for myself with it. Lately, I have moved to Colette Baron-Reid’s Wisdom of Avalon cards.

I do not know much about Tarot. But someone explained to me the idea of a birth card which you find with “playing” with your birthday date. You add the numbers of your day of birth, month of birth and year of birth. Then you add the digits of that number again and for my date of birth, it gives 8 which is the position of the Strength in the Haindl Tarot.

In this Tarot deck the Strength card is connected with ideas of healing and shamanism and I just love its imagery

embodyhealing says about this card:

…Haindl has the most unique take on the Strength card of these three decks. Using the Hebrew letter Teth or “Snake”, the astrological symbol for Leo, and the Rune Sigil, or “Sun”, Haindl references the original numerology of the card, given that the Teth is the 8th letter, and the Sigil is the 11th rune. Haindl’s imagery makes no mention of a lion or lioness at all other than the Leo symbol below the main figure. Instead, a nude figure holds up an enormous snake at a watering hole under the waxing crescent moon. The pool, or the unconscious resources that refresh us, is the source of the Strength embodied in the figure’s action. Rachel Pollack, in her book “The Haindl Tarot: The Major Arcana” makes much of the idea that Strength is an inherently andro-feminine card, due to its number 8, and its references to the Empress card. Teth, the Snake, also seen in the Empress, may be the Kundalini power of yoga union that rises with consistent focused and dedicated practice. The power is to be harnessed and cultivated, rather than ignored and left untapped. In Haindl’s Strength, the figure has championed this energy, or is she wrestling with it still? She is in a wrestling stance, grappling with the large serpent. Or is she humbled on one knee? In reality, she is both- confident within humility. Likewise, contrary to Pollack’s read of the figure and the card as andro-feminine, the Sun, or Leo, is traditionally presented as inherently masculine. I think this is Haindl’s way of normalizing the balance of the energies of action and passion, reception and peace, and attributing the entire spectrum’s balance into the concept of Strength. The figure holds the snake in an S shape, bringing to mind the healer’s symbol, indicating that it takes healing to be strong, and Strength is needed to heal. 

Looking back on my life “healing” has been a huge topic of my life. From the beginning when I tried to heal my mother with being a good girl to my adulthood trying to heal from abuse and from bad mental health. Maybe I need to consider this connection a little more as well as what that person said about me and my aura.

Maybe that is exactly where the answers for my questions of self-esteem lie.

copyright: Michael Jackson


Radiant ( R for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

I wasn’t a child or teenager when I read “The Hunger Games”. I was in my forties and it was one of the books that I thought I would never read. The idea that children and teenagers are taken into an arena and fight to the death was just too revolting for me.

But then someone suggested to read it as a lesson on how to create intriguing characters and how to write a really cool novel. I suspect it was Randy Ingermanson. And as serendipity wanted it the books were on offer so I just got them.

And I have to say Katniss Everdeen hooked me from the beginning. I suspect her character was the only reason I devoured the books. I just love kick-behind heroines. I grew up in the 70’s and 80’s and most female characters were not particularly kick-behind. Of course, as a redheaded girl, I read “Pippi Longstocking” and “Die Rote Zora” both of which did do some kicking of behinds. But that’s about it.

Not sure if it would have made a difference in my life if there would have been more. It doesn’t matter now anyway I guess.

I have posted this quote from “The Hunger Games” a couple of times lately. It resonates with me for some reason. I am not someone who cares too much about her looks. There are much more important characteristics in my books like being a caring and authentic person. But I would like to be radiant.

Someone once told me that my aura is quite bright. She wondered why I wasn’t able to see auras and had not explored the psychic abilities that to her I obviously have/had. I still haven’t even though I am more aware that there is more to my senses than most people can experience. But that is a topic for another post.

Today I just want to tell all of you out there who have problems with their self-esteem that you don’t need to be pretty or beautiful. Just be radiant in your own unique way and you’ll be fine.

May the odds ever be in your favour 😉

Quirky ( Q for #A2ZChallenge2018 )

Ok, today I am starting a little bit more serious than the last couple of days. Because… well, because quirky is a little unusual and it just fits in this quirky way to start seriously.

So, lets see what the dictionaries say:

Good old Merriam Webster says about quirky:

: having many quirks : unusual in especially an interesting or appealing way a quirky sense of humor quirky ideas/behavior a quirky and creative artist

… the SoHo store known for its modern, often quirky home accessories … —Marianne Rohrlich
The result is an extraordinarily fine film, a quieter, more centered vision of Garp’s world that loses little of the quirky humor of the original … —Molly Haskell

Oxford Dictionaries refers to quirky as this:

Having or characterized by peculiar or unexpected traits or aspects.

‘her sense of humour was decidedly quirky’

and last but not least

vocabulary.com says this about quirky:

Your friend with the pink hair, the excellent vocabulary, and the totally inappropriate wit? You could probably call her quirky, meaning she’s unconventional and has a strange mix of traits that somehow end up being kind of interesting or charming.

This informal all-purpose term can be used to describe anything that doesn’t quite fit in. The adjective quirky is often used to describe those unconventional things that are characterized by peculiar behavior or an unexpected point of view. Quirky is often used to describe people, but it can also refer to things that seem to possess an unexpected and unconventional element, like a quirky strategy or a quirky idea.

I like that word. Probably because it reminds of “Quark” a quirky German dairy product you can get more and more in the United Kingdom and other countries. Oh, I think it also means something in Physics too. Now isn’t that quirky.

I know I am rambling again. It’s just that we are half way through and I definitely have hit a writing wall. It’s not that I have no ideas. After all, I did my post list in March but I somehow do not want to touch that self-esteem topic anymore.

“Feeling better, are you?” the sarcastic within my readership might ask. Well, I do and I don’t and my self-esteem certainly hasn’t risen to new heights yet. But “Blogging from A to Z” is just sometime entirely quirky to me where you do not have to be so serious.

“So why on earth did you start seriously?” again some of you might ask.

Well, I have to start somewhere and I wanted to know what that quirky word “quirky” actually means.

It is incredible how much babble I can produce just by writing about one word.

“So are you going to make any sense today?” someone inside asks.


Definitely not.

Because I want to get that medal that says “QUIRKY in a GINGER way!” Maybe that makes me feel more confident and lets my self-esteem grow 😉

copyright: Doro Ottermann is a full-time artist and illustrator. http://www.dorobot.de/ 

at Insider via YouTube


Fellow Bloggers writing about “Quirky”:

Quirky Girl at Comically Quirky: Comically Quirky by Quirky Girl

Belinda O at My World With Words: Random Thoughts and Quirky Coincidences