*attention. Rude language that might offend some readers
I thought it was Groundhog Day:
I checked Linda’s blog and clicked on the SoCS post but didn’t register the date. The prompt asked about the last mail we received… d’oh oh no duh?!
Looks like the reader on the WP was a slight bit behind. So, what’s today’s prompt?
So here’s the story:
I need some dough. No, not the sweet sticky stuff that adds the pounds on our hips. It would be nice to have some again but that’s a different story. This story is about Mary Berry.
You know the British Baking Queen? Of course, she had much more to teach the great British public after they left that exclusive club called EU. Good old recipes like bulking up white bread with sawdust or how to use reconstituted dried eggs in baking. She didn’t get the reputation of a national treasure for nothing.
The plan the EU Underground had hatched was sound: go in, show the images of Johnson, Farage and friends feasting on proper wine and cakes in Italy, Germany or wherever they made their escape to and get out.
No-one expected the Berry ninja moves. My goodness, that old dear could kick butt. Mine still stings. I came into the studio ready to shove the posters in front of the camera but Mary must have been tipped off. She charged at me like a chef on steroids and off I went into the wall. BERCOW!
When I came to she leaned over me grinning madly:” You little sh…. settled status slut you!” she hissed. “You lot destroyed our great British baking tradition with your baguettes and bretzels and panettone. Noone…No-one can remember Horsebread or Iussell. It was time someone did something about that!”
I must have stared at her like a rabbit in front of the snake in the middle of my shredded posters because her eyes suddenly changed into purple glowing Erbolates and I didn’t move. Neither did any of the camera crew. They hid behind their equipment or ran.
“EU no 13 what’s up?” I heard in my earplug. That woke me. I pressed the Tusk security button and my head shot forward into her grinning face. I think I must have put the setting a little high. When I got up and checked, her head lolled backwards. She did not breathe. That’s when I saw the brave one. One ginger camera woman had her camera right in front of us and said triumphantly: ”That was life on tv! You won’t get away with this!”
How right she was. That was my death sentence from the EU Underground. Our first rule:” Utmost secrecy!” So I ran. And now I need some dough…
Sorry Mrs Berry, that you have become a victim of my anti-Brexit stream of consciousness. I have no idea where you stand on Brexit but I hope you’ll forgive me :-). I also assume you would not use foul language like I gave you. Again so sorry :-).
Please head over to Linda’s Prompt Post and check out the comments for more hilarious, serious and plain bonkers SoCS posts. You won’t regret it!!!!
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