A Letter to my twelve-year-old Self & Love Is In Da Blog Prompt 25

 

Dear Bea,

I have been thinking a lot about you lately and wish you would be in a different place. I wish your mum would be ok and your dad would not be so occupied with himself. I wish you would not have to take already so much responsibility for your younger brother and chores in the household. But life does not always deal us the jokers. The sad truth is life does deal us an awful lot of crap and no one promised us a rose garden.

It’s probably more the case that no one promised us anything. I have no idea where that notion comes from that life has to be a pot full of luck and that we have to avoid uncomfortable experiences under all circumstances. It’s not happening you know. It’s just not happening!

So what shall I advise you to do?

Remember that night when you stood at the window and stared up at the moon. You wondered where you would be as a grown up and suddenly there was me talking to you. I promised you that we would be ok. That no matter what comes we would make it. Just keep going.

That reminds me of a saying that’s attributed to Churchill: “If you go through hell, keep going!” and you most certainly did that. It is hard for me to appreciate that life has really been hard on you. The circumstances haven’t been the easiest from the beginning and later on, you have chosen a couple that weren’t that good. But you knew that. There were things you had to learn.

I just wish someone were there to explain that wild part of yourself to you. That part that defies logic and gives you knowledge that you can’t explain. It’s just there. I wish someone would have given you “Women who run with the Wolves” at that age. It would have given you a concept that there are parts in humans that are so ancient that they nearly act on their own. You have no control over them.

It is that ancient part that helped our ancestors survive which goes into overdrive when you experience trauma. It kicks off and gives your body the adrenaline to run away or fight the enemy. However, it is a little dumb and does not distinguish between a real threat and the thought of a threat. So even when you think about something that you feel threatened by it makes your body react with more adrenaline, your heart races and you get tense to start running or fighting at any moment. On top of that our body is closely connected to our mind. If your body shows fight or flight reactions it feeds back to your brain that there is a danger and there you go: you are in a vicious circle.

I don’t exactly know where that “Knowledge from out of nowhere” fits in here but I assume it is connected. Sometimes these reactions to trauma are called “instinctive” reactions: They just happen. You can’t control them. To me, it looks like some people are just much more connected to these instinctive reactions but they do not know how to incorporate them into their lives. Because society does not approve of them. So much in society is built on an image that we have to hold up and that society holds up to us. Like in the tale “The Emperors new clothes”: He is wearing nothing but everybody makes out his clothes are beautiful. Until the child says: “But he is naked!” The child followed his instincts not what society makes out to be the truth. I think there is a reason why this was one of your favourite fairy tales.

I believe in Carl Jung’s theory that there is an area in humans that connects us all which he calls “the collective unconscious”. It’s where the wild woman lives. An archetype I admit but archetypes have an important role to play in our ability to deal with life. Both the collective unconscious and the archetype of the wild woman are the places where knowledge comes from that you cannot explain nor trace with logic. Some people just have a better connection with it. Especially if you have been traumatised at an early age when your logic still works differently than that of an adult.

If you are closely connected to it you will see life in a different light than others. You figure out at first sight who is honest and who is not and you cannot bear unfairness. You have trouble to develop that “putting your face on” attitude where you can play that game that most people play: let’s pretend to get what we want. And to fit in.  You try to fit in so desperately but you can’t because you see all these things that others just are not aware of.

And you “collect” all those hidden emotions from others. That makes you an easy target for people to get rid of their unwanted feelings. It all happens subconsciously so you just experience exhaustion and fear and anger that you do not know where it comes from. And so often you break down when it gets too much. Because too much it gets.

I wish you would have known all that when you started your journey into being a grown-up. I wish someone would have taught you how to protect yourself and to accept that connection to the wild woman as an asset, not a difficulty. I wish you would have had the chance to find your clan of wild women.

Still, you made it here. You made it through all the difficulties and I am so proud of you. I keep you in my prayers and thoughts and in my arms because I have come to believe that time is just an illusion. I have come to believe that I am there with you when you stand at that window and that you are with me every day. And together we will make it. Together we will find our way of dealing with this life in a healthy and fulfilling way. That is what I promise you for the rest of our life!

There is nothing left to say for today. Just this one thing: “Come on, let’s run with the wolves!”

Resources:

Quote Investigator

Ancient Brain Net

Andersen.sdu.dk

Broadway World: The Psychology of Fairy Tales

Simply Psychology

Clarissa Pinkola-Estes.com

 


This post takes part in “Love Is In Da Blog 2018” and answers to the prompt “Wild


 

Love Is In Da Blog 2018 Prompt 25

A big thank you to all of you who take part. You created wonderful posts about yesterday’s prompt “vulnerable” and I so look forward to today’s “wild” posts.

And today there is a challenge up for us. Well, for me there was a challenge because there are not many words that start with “x” and fit into an alphabet of love. But I found one. It is

Xenium

and it means according to Merriam-Webster:

“a present given among the ancient Greeks and Romans to a guest or stranger and especially to a foreign ambassador”

In my opinion it is form of respect for the guest and stranger in your house to give him or her a present and respect in  my opinion is an important part of love. That’s how the word made it into our “Alphabet of Love”.

And just to remind ourselves how to take part in it:

“Love Is In Da Blog” Rules/suggestions

  1. Join in! No matter where, when and with what. You missed the first day or week? Don’t worry. Just jump in when it suits you.
  2. Send us the link! Unfortunately, my blog is now self-hosted and the ping-back option does not always work. So please leave a link in the comments on the day of the prompt that you are writing to so we can all come and visit you.
  3. Tag your post either with “Love Is In Da Blog” or #LoIsInDaBl. You can also use these as hashtags for Twitter and other Social Networks to give your post more exposure.
  4. No matter which medium the prompt favours you create with them whatever you please, and whatever length you please (no pun intended ) as long as it is about “LOVE.”

If you like, use this picture for your readers to find the posts. 


 

 

 

5 thoughts on “A Letter to my twelve-year-old Self & Love Is In Da Blog Prompt 25

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