JOY ~ Mental Health Diary ~ ABC of Love 11 ~ Love Is In Da Blog 2018


Ah, I am taking some artistic freedoms here. Sorry, Mr Hammerstein and Rodgers, but my anxiety and depression are making my life a little joy-less and therefore I have to … well… steal borough a little ;-).


Some joyful things


Gun’s n Roses
And breadcrumbs on courgettes
Bright copper curls and warm Peppermint tea
Brown eyes of husband glowing with joy
These are a few of my favorite things
Cream-iced chocolates and crisps and butter topped toast
Church bells and no bells
And Spaetzle with Zwiebeln*.
Wild dreams that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things
Posts in white backgrounds with blue shadow edging
Cornflakes that stay crisp and crush
Silver-white mattresses without any springs
These are a few of my favorite things
When black dog bites
When a bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember some joyful things
And then I don’t feel so bad


*German for “onions”



I wish it would be that easy with my Mental Health


I wish dealing with my mental health, depression and healing from past trauma would be that easy. That is what most people expect you to do: “Just get over it!” They especially expect you to be like that because you are not always sitting there tearful and scared. There are times when you laugh and are happy but when the spiral goes downwards there is often not much you can do.

At least that is how I experience my mental health problems since a while. I have had great CBT therapists who taught me how to reach my inner safe place, do breathing exercises and helped me to realize that smelling Lavender and drinking St. Johnswort tea are THE things that help me get out of it. I do write a diary and journal my feelings and thoughts on a daily basis and I keep doing the housework and go for walks. I work with positive affirmations and practise Mindfulness. However, every so often I come to a point where suddenly nothing helps anymore.


Suddenly my Mental Health spirals down


There is not much more stress at work than before, there is no more trouble at home or with the finances, there is nothing different than the thousand times before when I breathed in on 4 and out on 4 but out of nowhere everything is too much and I need to run home and hide under the covers. Or in my case behind my laptop. I don’t get it.

I have started to wonder if my mental health diagnosis of PTSD is the right diagnosis or if there is something else on top of that. Unfortunately, I did not keep in touch with the Wellbeing Service and fell out of the system which means I have to wait for another assessment. Which is in the middle of March! I hate being out of work and letting my boss and my colleagues down, especially as they are extremely understanding and helpful.


My Mental Health frustrates me


But what can I do? My heart starts racing when I get out of the house and I am so exhausted just from doing the dishes that I feel like I am 90 years of age and not just 47. It is so frustrating being back at the doctors and asking for a sick note when I know that my employer does pay for 5 weeks of sickness but at the same time only allows you to be off for a week within six months without counselling you. That does help extremely well when you suffer from a mental health problem.


My mental health was stretched even more


On top of that I also fell out of the surgery I signed up for last year. We bought a house and moved and I signed up about three months after we moved. My goal was to keep out of the surgery as much as I can as my main problems are colds and my mental health and I felt I can deal with them on my own. The NHS is so pressured I only want to use them when I really, really need to. However, post that the NHS sent to me obviously went back to them so both they and the surgery assumed I had moved and not told them so the surgery had to sign me off.

I was rather distraught when the receptionist told me that when I asked for an appointment. However, they were very friendly when I came in and did the paperwork. Another experience of racing heart and feeling that something extremely bad is going to happen. I so wished I could hide somewhere. All that stress was made even worse because I expected to be asked to take medication that I had previously experienced as not being helpful.


My new doctor deals well with my mental health


The doctor though was very calm and gave me all his attention. He listened and asked some questions about my state of mind. Yes, he did offer me to try out medication (I would not have had enough money for it anyway) but when I refused he offered me to borough a book about Mindfulness that he thought was the best and would help until I can get help from the Wellbeing Service.

He had done a lot of research into Mindfulness he said and “Mindfulness a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world(affiliate link with Wordery. I receive 5% commission on your purchase) by Mark Williams and Danny Penman was the best book there is in his opinion. I think he might have heard the sigh of relief I let out when I said that I believed that would help a lot as reading helps my mental health anyway. I have always read to get through situations like that.


So how can I get back to a joy-full mental health state?



No idea! For now, I just keep on doing what I always do and wait for the assessment. My doctor promised me to try and speed it up and fingers crossed my husband might find a new job that pays the bills and he has promised me I then could get out of my day job. God bless the man. There is a reason why I call him on this blog “The Best Husband (Jeremy Clarkson voice) IN THE WORLD!!!!!!!

He definitely is my joy no matter how bad I feel!



This post takes part in Love Is In Da Blog 2018 and answers to prompt 11 “joy“.



Fellow Bloggers writing about mental health and joy:


When Women Inspire: Keeping Check on Your and Everyone Else’s Health

Nicer Thoughts: Gifts of Joy: positive thinking and mental health




10 thoughts on “JOY ~ Mental Health Diary ~ ABC of Love 11 ~ Love Is In Da Blog 2018

  1. debyblogs says:

    I hate that I related to 99% of this post on how depression can take you to town, and how people expect you to get over it. I’m glad you have the support you do. That’s definitely something to be joyful about.


  2. I liked your joyful things song. Keep using all those tools in your tool box and watch for the little moments of peace and joy. I hope they become more abundant with each day.


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