I think this anger is what lead me out of my job last year. Still not quite sure where it leads me but I think it is not a bad thing…
Two weeks ago Sir Terry Pratchett passed away. Even though I loved his books and admired his work to support Alzheimer’s research, I was very surprised how deeply I felt about his passing. After all, I never met the man.
On that day, I read an article Neil Gaiman wrote in October 2014 about his friend who described how anger fuelled Terry Pratchett’s work. That also reminded me of Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” in which she describes exactly that possibility: Anger is not a master and something bad ~ Anger is the tool and the map that guides you where you want to be. And also where you do not want to be.
She writes: ” Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go. It lets us see where we’ve been and lets us know when we haven’t liked it. Anger points the way, not just the finger….” (The Artist’s Way, Kindle e-book, location 1362)
She also points out that we usually rather ignore that voice, subdue or medicate it. Very true to myself. And even though I have read this chapter at least three times I never really got it. Until Terry Pratchett took Deaths arm and left this universe.
There is an awful lot of energy and power in myself, but I have let the negative ideas about anger and fear stop me from using it. It’s scary to have an infinite power source at your disposal because it means: I can do it. I can make my dream come true. I have to act.
It’s also scary because you have to figure out what your dream really is. Maybe it is not the published book. Maybe it is taking care of your family and raise happy children.
I still don’t know how to use anger and fear as fuel for my work. But maybe I do not need to know. Maybe I just have to realise that anger isn’t a bad thing. Maybe I just have to realise that anger is my map which shows me the way, and it will fuel whatever I am supposed to do.