Hi there guys and gals!
It’s been a while since I have taken part in SoCS but The Bee is back. Well, for this week at least…..
What has been consuming your time in 2014?
I just chuck this question into the (blogosphere) room as it is, of course, review and “look back” time for 2014.
For it has been a turbulent year:
Pretty much a year ago I had bout of severe depression and could not work for about three weeks. It has never been that bad and was shocked to the core to be honest. I could not believe that my strategies of survival would not work anymore. I felt like giving up and giving in. This feeling was so consuming, it made me doubt my whole life and certainly my ability to do a day job.
Looking back to that time, I realise that it actually was rather an awakening than an ending. I was lucky enough to receive therapy straight away which most people do not have in these parts of the world. For the first time, I received a form of therapy that actually did change something and was not just another band-aid to let me struggle on. EMDR or Eye Movement De-sensitisation and Re-processing have helped many war veterans to deal with their traumatic experiences but also survivors of abuse.
As the name says you let go of the traumatic feelings and workings of your brain connected with the situation that traumatised you and you find a way at last to process the whole experience which was not possible before. It’s not an easy process. Even though you do not do a lot consciously ~ “just” think back to the traumatic experience and then move your eyes to and fro (of course it is a lot more but that would lead much too far for this post) ~ a lot is going on subconsciously and that uses and an awful lot of energy, believe me.
It feels a little like your whole mind and DNA is turned upside down and inside out. And you can’t control it. You have to trust the process. Of course, you can say:”Stop I do not want to go any further” when thinking about the traumatic event however the processing happens in a part of yourself that you do not really have access to. There is no way around it: You have to trust that everything will turn out fine.
It has for me. I have never been happier, more relaxed and more grateful than I am now. I do not feel consumed by despair anymore but consumed by happiness. And isn’t that something great to look back to in a year?
This post takes part in SoCS at Linda’s Blog. I let my consciousness free and the stream run…. and you can too if you like to 🙂